Over the past few weeks I have been nursing what many people refer to as heartbreak. Know right now that this phenomenon NEVER gets old, ever! It’s new every bloody time! It tinges everything you do. so much so, that I do not believe I am eloquent enough at this time to write objectively/effectively on the subject and exhaust how I have been feeling.
I hope you will be among the special breed of people who have little to no patience for it. The ones who move on immediately. I am not blessed that way or I am still lacking in maturity. I’d like to believe every experience, even this sort is a lesson but from what I am reading, you should never let your past govern your love life.
Lately (and this feels like déjà vu), every love song is nauseating and every song seems to be about love. Some actually have lyrics that are supposed to help you put things into perspective and move on swiftly but those are annoying too. In fact, a lot of the intelligent stuff is particularly infuriating. So because I am not in position to share my exact thoughts, I am going to beg you to allow me to get away with this…this one time I hope.
I have Sia’s Elastic Heart on replay in my mind.
And another one bites the dust
Oh why can I not conquer love
And I might have thought that we were one
And I wanted it, I wanted it bad
But there were so many red flags
You did not break me
I’m still fighting for peace
I’ve got thick skin and an elastic heart
But your blade it might be too sharp
I’ll walk through fire to save my life
And I want it, I want my life so bad
I’m doing everything I can
Then another one bites the dust
It’s hard to lose a chosen one
In no particular order…those lyrics haunt me because they’re achingly accurate. The hope is in the thick skin I suppose.
The preceding excerpts are from another piece of literature that spoke to me, thoughtcatalog, I will link it when I get to a desktop.
You ruin your life by letting your past govern it. It is common for certain things in life to happen to you. There will be heartbreak, confusion, days where you feel like you aren’t special or purposeful. There are moments that will stay with you, words that will stick. You cannot let these define you – they were simply moments, they were simply words. If you allow for every negative event in your life to outline how you view yourself, you will view the world around you negatively. You will miss out on opportunities because you didn’t get that promotion five years ago, convincing yourself that you were stupid. You will miss out on affection because you assumed your past love left you because you weren’t good enough, and now you don’t believe the man or the woman who urges you to believe you are. This is a cyclic, self-fulfilling prophecy. If you don’t allow yourself to move past what happened, what was said, what was felt, you will look at your future with that lens, and nothing will be able to breach that judgment. You will keep on justifying, reliving, and fueling a perception that shouldn’t have existed in the first place. ….
You ruin your life by desensitizing yourself. We are all afraid to say too much, to feel too deeply, to let people know what they mean to us. Caring is not synonymous with crazy. Expressing to someone how special they are to you will make you vulnerable. There is no denying that. However, that is nothing to be ashamed of. There is something breathtakingly beautiful in the moments of smaller magic that occur when you strip down and are honest with those who are important to you. Let that girl know that she inspires you. Tell your mother you love her in front of your friends. Express, express, express. Open yourself up, do not harden yourself to the world, and be bold in who, and how, you love. There is courage in that.
And finally, some Chimamanda (a famous female writer of our time, who is clearly passionate about people like you and I) too…
All over the world, girls are raised to be make themselves likeable, to twist themselves into shapes that suit other people. Please do not twist yourself into shapes to please. Don’t do it. If someone likes that version of you, that version of you that is false and holds back, then they actually just like that twisted shape, and not you. And the world is such a gloriously multifaceted, diverse place that there are people in the world who will like you, the real you, as you are.
Now girls are often raised to see love only as giving. Women are praised for their love when that love is an act of giving. But to love is to give AND to take. Please love by giving and by taking. Give and be given. If you are only giving and not taking, you’ll know. You’ll know from that small and true voice inside you that we females are so often socialized to silence.
Don’t silence that voice. Dare to take.
Each text has truth in its context.
I hope this makes some sense for you as it is doing for me. But I also hope you will not need any of it.