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There’s an app called Tinder on my phone. Google it. Just in case Tinder doesn’t exist anymore or Google’s archives have somehow been deleted, I will give you a basic idea. The app taps into your Facebook, (surely you know this one by now) and makes possible matches for you. I do not know what criteria it uses, because some of these people are preeeeety random. You can dictate how old you want the suggestions to be and the sex. Like I said pretty basic. If you do not like this person’s picture you, sijui swipe left then I think right if you like them…if you both liked each other, the app tells you and then you can go on to privately message each other on the app then later, or immediately, depending on how fast you bond, you can exchange your real life phone numbers and maybe even meet….blah bla bla. I am writing to tell of how this app got on my phone.

MJ is my friend. He does this adorable humming thing when he is listening to what I am saying. Sometimes he does it when he is eating too. I will give you a clue. June is his month. You will like him I think. I think the two of you will get along very well. This letter is not about him and, no, I did not meet him on Tinder. It is about what he said the other day, and my subsequent actions.

MJ said I do not go out of my way to meet people (men) and that when I do, I do not give them a chance. He didn’t say it in a mean way. He was just sating facts I guess…or his opinion. So I told him I would go on the next date I got asked to. Unfortunately, the next person to ask me on a date was someone I had a past with and just I did not want go there with again…. So technically, this was doomed from the go. Grudgingly, however, I gave this fellow my number…I had promised. Guess what this dude does? He sends me a message on WhatsApp. Total killjoy. I blocked him right away.

I have a philosophy, about guys who are not serious. (At least I do, at this point, maybe it will change.) If we chatted on Facebook and you asked for my number, why then would you go on to text me when you could have continued that way on Facebook. If you ask for a number, use it…call the person. Put some work into creating a conversation. Do not be a coward. I am not saying he should never text or whatsapp, I am saying he should call first. Texting and whatsapping comes in a little later when you are comfortable with each other. This goes for you too…call my dear. If you’re lucky, maybe he won’t pick up, because he’s busy, (not avoiding you) in which case you may leave a message to say you called.

It is a good thing I blocked him too because a few days later he calls at midnight…I had forgotten to save the number. I just answered to shut the phone up before it woke your aunties. Immediately I ascertained it was him, I asked why he was calling me at such an ungodly hour…then I hang up. I know I totally read like a snob right, but ah ah!! Those are just total pet peeves for me.

Anyway, this letter is not about him either. It is about the other half of MJ’s question. I said I did not have time to go out, but that I had heard of this dating application that people go on to meet and “hook up” (which literally means sexing it up in my generation). I had read about it here she was really dedicated though, we have to give it to her.

 

So MJ made some noise about how the app had a terrible reputation and how people are only there to find someone to have sex with. I countered that maybe some people got on Tinder genuinely looking to find a mate. Take Melissa for example…she found someone (although…eh…30 dates is …no…) And that besides, relationships lead to sex eventually so what is the fuss? I asked him what made this app different from all the other dating applications that existed before it and he said maybe that this one seemed to get people together faster. We agreed that there was only one way to find out.

 

I joked to one of your aunties that I think Jesus had given me the steering wheel to drive this relationship van and she replied, “Step on that accelerator sister!”

I downloaded the app and got to swiping. A few other people I told were scandalized. Baz just laughed so hard I ended up slapping him (total reflex)…now I live in fear that he’ll find me in the corridors at work and slap me too.

 

My aunt P was just visibly amused. She even agreed to swipe and see what she liked. “This one is no good. Clearly in love with himself,” she said of Eric, a match Tinder had suggested. She had initially liked Eric saying he looked well­dressed. In the next picture she decided otherwise; Eric was with the one, among three guys, lifting his shirt to expose a ripped torso.

 

When I checked the app four days later, I found a few matches, one of whom turned out to someone I had worked with. We chatted a bit and moved on to talk about why he was on Tinder (ati social experiment hahahaha) and what we could work on together. It was a delightful meeting, pretty candid so we exchanged numbers, (our last interactions had been via Facebook and email only) and got to chatting. I know you’re probably thinking I have double standards, but this looked different. We already had something to talk about, a previous assignment.

My assessment of Tinder is thus:

 

  1. It is just any other dating app…not website-y, so it is within reach all the time.
  2. If looks are really a thing for you, then Tinder is the perfect place. I only deleted my tinder because a) it eats up too much data and battery on my basic smartphone (hopefully Uganda will have free internet in your time and b) I am not a patient person.

 

MJ laughed really hard when I said I had deleted my profile. Then he asked if I would tell you if I met your dad on Tinder. I asked, “Why wouldn’t I?” So, I am telling you this now in case it actually happens that I find him on Tinder, having reinstated my account. It is not hard. I just need a personal assistant to handle it.

P.s. It is possible that I didn’t understand the gist of the whole Tinder thingy, I am sometimes clueless like that…or maybe I am in the wrong country.

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